Ok. Let's talk about love.
A couple of years ago, I let go of my constant need to be in denial and believe that I am NOT in love with somebody. But my problem with that lays in the fact that I truly don't love them like THAT. I don't love anything about them anymore, because they got silly and switched up. And in the process, they decided to switch up what I meant to them. So I have to constantly ask myself why on earth I still feel compelled to know how they are, and why their voice still gets to me the way it always have, even though I cannot STAND them.
And I know why. It's because I'm stuck in the past. I am truly sitting here believing that things will maybe, just maybe, go back to the way they used to be. But no. You can stop the sappy violin music, because it's not going down that way. I am not about to sit here and try to change anyone.That is not my job as a woman. My job is to build upon and accept a man as he is. So here I am, unable to let go. Singing and screaming at the top of my lungs and praying daily for myself and everyone else, because I am on the brink.
THEN I WOKE UP AND GOT MY ACT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!
What was I thinking? Honestly, anyone who knows me can vouch for the fact that I put TOO much thought into things, especially where matters of the heart are involved. That's why I think I'm onto something. But this time, I was not thinking. You can't think when you are stuck on rewind. Thinking comes when you push forward.
Here's my theory. You are stuck on the past because if given the opportunity, you would stay in that moment forever. But we all hate the idea of being stuck. Ironic, I know. So I came up with a new system. I miss this idiot like nothing else...but everytime I see him, I say my kind hello, and keep pushing. Every time I catch myself looking his way or wondering if he's watching me....I remind myself of something that I don't like so much. Like that time he tried to get with my "best friend" or the way he never worries about anyone but his dang self.
I have OCD. I obsess over ridiculously irrelevant things. And I have a bad habit of making a list for everything. Sometimes its a mental list. But when it comes to the point where I have to evaluate whether or not I'm letting a fool waste my time....I make a pros and cons list. I'm psycho, but it really works!! I have to sit down and talk with myself and determine which things are a no-go. For example:
PROS:
*dresses well *is really close with his family *makes me laugh *TREATS ME WITH RESPECT *has a head on his shoulders *im kinda diggin' the way this boy looks.
CONS:
*he acts a damn fool in public. * he looks a hot mess whenever he walks outta the house * he acts like he doesn't know that I am a LADY and I'm not about to be treated as otherwise. *i have to do his homework for him....or threaten him to take his tired behind to class.
Now see....I am really good at this. I also know that there are some things that are just NON NEOGOTIABLE. and I've got a list of those too. And I go by it religiously. It's important to know what you're looking for so that you can't be as mad when you end up with something you don't want.
And I have more to say about this later, because I'm still working on this one myself. I just thought I'd share that...becuase it was really bothering me. I wanted to stab some folks when I saw them again after a little time off. I mean, you can delete a person off of Facebook, but it doesn't mean they can't get to you.
Til Next Time! Smooches! XOXO!
A couple of years ago, I let go of my constant need to be in denial and believe that I am NOT in love with somebody. But my problem with that lays in the fact that I truly don't love them like THAT. I don't love anything about them anymore, because they got silly and switched up. And in the process, they decided to switch up what I meant to them. So I have to constantly ask myself why on earth I still feel compelled to know how they are, and why their voice still gets to me the way it always have, even though I cannot STAND them.
And I know why. It's because I'm stuck in the past. I am truly sitting here believing that things will maybe, just maybe, go back to the way they used to be. But no. You can stop the sappy violin music, because it's not going down that way. I am not about to sit here and try to change anyone.That is not my job as a woman. My job is to build upon and accept a man as he is. So here I am, unable to let go. Singing and screaming at the top of my lungs and praying daily for myself and everyone else, because I am on the brink.
THEN I WOKE UP AND GOT MY ACT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!
What was I thinking? Honestly, anyone who knows me can vouch for the fact that I put TOO much thought into things, especially where matters of the heart are involved. That's why I think I'm onto something. But this time, I was not thinking. You can't think when you are stuck on rewind. Thinking comes when you push forward.
Here's my theory. You are stuck on the past because if given the opportunity, you would stay in that moment forever. But we all hate the idea of being stuck. Ironic, I know. So I came up with a new system. I miss this idiot like nothing else...but everytime I see him, I say my kind hello, and keep pushing. Every time I catch myself looking his way or wondering if he's watching me....I remind myself of something that I don't like so much. Like that time he tried to get with my "best friend" or the way he never worries about anyone but his dang self.
I have OCD. I obsess over ridiculously irrelevant things. And I have a bad habit of making a list for everything. Sometimes its a mental list. But when it comes to the point where I have to evaluate whether or not I'm letting a fool waste my time....I make a pros and cons list. I'm psycho, but it really works!! I have to sit down and talk with myself and determine which things are a no-go. For example:
PROS:
*dresses well *is really close with his family *makes me laugh *TREATS ME WITH RESPECT *has a head on his shoulders *im kinda diggin' the way this boy looks.
CONS:
*he acts a damn fool in public. * he looks a hot mess whenever he walks outta the house * he acts like he doesn't know that I am a LADY and I'm not about to be treated as otherwise. *i have to do his homework for him....or threaten him to take his tired behind to class.
Now see....I am really good at this. I also know that there are some things that are just NON NEOGOTIABLE. and I've got a list of those too. And I go by it religiously. It's important to know what you're looking for so that you can't be as mad when you end up with something you don't want.
And I have more to say about this later, because I'm still working on this one myself. I just thought I'd share that...becuase it was really bothering me. I wanted to stab some folks when I saw them again after a little time off. I mean, you can delete a person off of Facebook, but it doesn't mean they can't get to you.
Til Next Time! Smooches! XOXO!
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